Ever build something up so much in your mind that when it doesn’t go according to plan, you ride the struggle bus for a week trying to regain your equilibrium? No? Well, bully for you. I am on the bus. Asleep.
This past month or so has been increasingly stressful. At work. At home. In my dreams of work and home. Stress around every turn. When the opportunity came up to go on a beach vacation with friends, I jumped on it, even though I knew it wasn’t the best use of our money at that point. My little family needed to do something enjoyable and get out of town. More importantly, I needed to disconnect and re-boot. The beach is the perfect place to unwind and leave real life behind. I planned to ditch my phone and Fitbit and just chill for four uninterrupted days. No plans, no stress. Pure salty awesomeness.
Enter Hurricane Michael, the bastard. We had been at our beach house less than 24 hours when we received news that we would have to evacuate. Just enough time to have everything unpacked and have groceries for 20 people stored in the kitchen. Needless to say, repacking and moving with 8 adults and 7 kids was not stress-relieving. Turning off my phone with a hurricane coming did not work either. Fortunately, we were able to relocate to another beach farther from the predicted landfall. Beautiful house and community. We still couldn’t get in the water, but we were safe and together.
But this wasn’t at all what I had planned. And while everyone else adjusted and began to enjoy vacation, I just couldn’t. It takes me days to relax anyway and at this point, by the time I could relax we would be headed home. So instead of trying to relax as much as possible, I gave up on it as a whole. I was, and continue to be, in a funk. I don’t understand why, at a time I really needed it, things didn’t go as planned. Again. And why, a week later, I’m still struggling to regain my equilibrium. At this exact second, I could lay down and sleep 24 hours with no issues. Sleep is my escape. When I am unhappy, I sleep. And boy could I sleep with this cloud cover and cool weather.
I should be back at work today. I have things to do. The real world beckons. I literally could not make myself go. I wanted one day to myself. To regroup, throw myself (or more likely, sleep myself) out of this funk and get ready to take on the world tomorrow. Somehow I fell from a “new exciting business” to “can’t get motivated” over one disruption of my perfect plan. That can’t be normal.
Anyway, to those who have called, texted or tried to engage with me and felt the cold shoulder, I’m sorry. I’m taking this one last to day to wallow in self pity and then I’ll be back in your face with my charming sarcasm, endless Facebook posts and messages. And to celebrate my newest plan? A nap, of course. What else??